It was Saturday morning, breakfast was done, and all the guests seen on their way by the time a very tired Sam emerged from wherever he was during the night. His mother and grandparents had one heck of a time keeping tread with his escapades, as he was friends with a group of louts from Calender, who came over with the bus to do a lot of mischief in the village.
Their latest escapade, and the one that got the over protective grandparents into at
last realising that the boy is not the innocent little baby he was fifteen years ago, was really naughty! He and this group went into the backyard of the village store collected, and smashed all the empty beer and wine bottles that the store was recycling right at the store's entrance! It was the last straw for the villagers, and the police was called in. The louts were all caught, Sam included, and they had to do some community work.
That was the end of this lot coming to Strathyre, and Sam hooked up again with his old school friends. They were also but a scruffy lot, with rings dangling from every available spot on their faces, even their tongues, but at least they were not the vandilistic type! So that is, when the government decided to pay kids a wage if they got a job as an appy somewhere, Tony was approached, and Sam was given an appreticeship!
But I realised soon that sam was in no mood for working this morning, and every now and then I caught a glimpse of one of his mates lurking behind the cars and bushes, sending out frantic messages, using their hands for the job! I was extremely busy, as Ewan, with the small bus he drives taking youngsters on adventure tours, had phoned, and they would stop at the hotel for lunch. That means a frantic spurt of activity, as a lot more salad would be needed, and also a lot more chips, and fish to take out to defrost. The burgers, steak pies, and other lunchtime stuff that I had prepared would also not be enough, depending on what the guests were going to order.
And my help was to say the least, unconcerned with my problems, and stood staring out of the window instead of peeling potatoes for chips! I had to keep on prompting him to get on with it, but to no avail.
He then told me that his head was fit to burst, and he thought he had sunstroke! Oh, no, I said, if you have sunstroke, you would be nauseous, and won't be able to lift your head! Wrong statement! Now Sam's head started to hang more and more, and when he disappeared a few minutes later, I found him sitting outside, with his head almost on his lap, holding it and giving amazing gasps of pain, and doing a good job of faking extreme nausea!
I had enough! Marched to Tony and told him to get rid of that lazy brat, and phone my all time favourite, little Gary. Tony came to see what was up, and not knowing what preceded this, and immediately sent the 'poor' boy home! I was CROSS!!! Told him the whole, but he was in a spot, as Sam's family bring in a lot of custom, and Tony played up to them in all earnest! Little Gary, who was one of a twin, the other one, Laura, about twice the size of him. But this little man could do his thing, and I sometimes got a lump in my throat when I see him scrubbing away on pots twice his size.
But I had it with Sam, and waited untill it was calmer, Ewan's people fed and gone, to tackle the problem with Tony. I knew I would loose the friendship with Janet, Sam's mother, and maybe also that of the grandparents, but the idea of working any longer with Sam was unthinkable!
But the weekend did pass, and at last it was Monday, and my day off. Liz and self went to see if the wild strawberries were ripe, and we found some really juicy ones! Bliss!

Back at work! I was just not happy anymore, but had to stay, as the job offered to me at the other hotel was now taken. The young Sam was just not suited for the kitchen, as he was not at all interested to learn anything. On the other hand, I think I was also not in the right, for I would not yet allow him to cook, and he of course, with the optimism of youth, thought that by having watched me for two weeks, he was a masterchef ! So one lunchtime I was busy with a big table, when an order for fish and chips came in, and thinking that not much can go wrong with fish and chips, I told Sam that he was free to do it.As we had a lot of fish orders for lunch, Sam must have seen me do it a hundred times over the last two weeks, and I had explained the complete process of every meal.
As busy as I was, I did not really watched what he was doing, as I had a lot of different meals to prepare, and it was hard enough to get all the meals ready to go out at the same time. But when I turned to put some chips in the fryer, the scene that met my eyes was quite astonishing, and just a bitty hilarious! Sam had obviously not watched me well, for instead of putting in one piece of fish, wait for the batter to cook a little, then put in the next one, he had put all the fish in together, and that had resulted of course in one big lump, as the fish was stuck together good and solid, and poor Sam was almost in tears trying to separate them. That was not a good idea, as the fillets broke into pieces!
I told him to get some other fillets out, and get everything ready, then fish out the pieces of maltreated fish so I can do it when my meals were done.
Instead of feeling a bit subdued, Sam's youthful self believe did not deter him from telling Tony that the reason for the wasted fish was cold oil, and not his inexperience. As Tony was pressed by Sam's grandparents, who he was friendly with to advance the boy a bit, he laughed about it, and shook it off as just a wee mistake, and asked me to give more attention to help the boy learn some cooking! As if I did not have enough on my bally plate! I did not let him come near to any cooking or frying, but let him assemble the burgers, and other small things, but that left me with doing the running and stacking the dishwasher myself, as Sam was strutting around the kitchen like a dunghill cockerel, having conversations with his pals who were skulking behind the cars and bushes outside,telling them that he was doing a lot of the cooking!
He was quite happy, as learning to cook was not a priority, but to brag about his cooking was important. I just found his being under my feet unnerving, as usually nobody was allowed on my side of the table, it being dangerous, with pots of stuff boiling and me sometimes moving fast with some hot stuff in my hands. I could sense that the time for me to stage another strike was imminent!
The foto is of my view from the kitchen window where Sam's friends hung out, waiting for him to finish.

I was getting quite panicky, as the water was so cold that I could feel my blood getting frozen up, well, almost, and all the time the herd stood watching me, pushing their dinner around from side to side in their mouths. I knew I had to get out of the loch soon, and was walking slowly along in the direction of my camp, and the cattle moved slowly along with me. I was desperate, but just when I thought my body would be found frozen like a lolly in the morning, I heard voices, so I screeched! A few big eyed fishermen came running over the little rise, and sizing up the situation, their concern gave way for some hearty laughter. I did NOT think it very funny.
They walked up to the lochside, while the cattle watched them with great interest, then, maybe realising their fun was over, the turned heel, and disappeared over the rise! I had a sweaty brow, and a fast pounding heart, but the fishermen had a good laugh, and told me that as it was the time the farmhands usually arrived with their food, the herd must have thought me the benefactor of the day, and was following me hoping to get dinner!
I sat talking to them from some time, hoping to watch as they pull out one after the other of nice fat trout, but the going was slow, and I decided to head back to my tent and start my own dinner. I had a few nice minted chops, and potatoes that I pre-boiled, and which I was going to roast on the fire, and nice crusty bread, and stuff for a salad, Yummy!
I slept like a log, that is after I coated everything with midge muti, that means stuff to keep the critters out of the tent. There is nothing worse than the Scottish midge, as their bites sting and tickle for hours, and usually make huge red swellings that became quite painful. Poor Lizzy gets really ill from their bites, as hers became inflamed, and just looking at it makes one want to scratch! But that night I was left to sleep in peace, and woke up feeling fresh and happy!
 It was a beautiful morning, with birds singing, and the little stream singing a lovely and happy song song, specially for me, and I just sat watching as the sun started peeping shyly through the leaves high above me. Oh, what a lovely thing nature is, with the sounds, and the smells, and the wonderful fresh and clean air! I filled my lungs to full capacity, then blew out slowly, feeling the tingle of life running through my veins!
My breakfast was just super, as I had bacon, and egg, banana and tomatoes, all made in the same pan, and toast that I made over the coals. I just love fried banana with my bacon, so I revelled in the delicious meal, fit for any king,
I took my coffee down to the loch, and keeping a wary eye at the rise, ready to run if the herd emerged, but all was quiet, and it wasn't long before my eyelids drooped, and a delicious tiredness came over me. The day was my own, so I lay down and took a short nap under the now warm sun!

At long last Sunday came to an end, and while cleaning away the foodstuffs and filling the dish washer, I could feel my legs buckling, and my body sagging! Sam, my government paid aid of course only worked till ten, but over weekends it is really bad, as the kitchen are expected to do meals until all hours. I liked doing it, as all the restaurants in Strathyre and surroundings close kitchen at nine thirty at the latest, So I am stuck with the cleaning, as the youngsters helping at night are only allowed to work four hours, so they also work from six to ten!
But I woke up next morning, and it was Monday, and it being Monday, I was of course off! I lay in bed much later than usual on my days off, as I am usually off to one of my favourite spots to have a barbeque breakfast at seven. Today however, the old legs were a bitty lazy to respond, but after I dragged my battered body out of bed, and made a strong cuppa, I felt like a brand new sixpence again, and ready for all this day may bring.
It took only minutes to pack my stuff, made a flask of strong coffee, and took off at great speed, wanting to get away as soon as possible, as I am regularly called in for help, Theresa and Tony not able to manage. That is why I left before they were up and in, as I felt that I really earned my time off.
I have decided to drive to Aberfoil, on the Trossachs trail, as some way down a small and winding road, you got to loch Ard, and that is one of the best places if I wanted to sleep over in my tent. I always found a new and beautiful spot walking around, and today I did so again. I found a small stream, very private, as it was quite far from the road, with a lot of lovely leafy trees shading it from sun and prying eyes, so I put up my tent! Oh the joy of just lying in the dappled shade reading and musing over my quite hectic life, was unbelievable!
I decided to walk down to the loch, and look for old pieces of pottery, as I collected it. I have found the most beautiful, but sometimes tiny pieces of very old pottery at the different lochs where I loved searching the beaches!
A few cows were grazing lazily on a small green  rise, and never having had trouble with any highland cow, or any other species, I was shocked into first a kind of paralysed panic, and then into doing a creditable Olympic sprint over grass and rocks, as one of the herd, a huge bally bull, gave me one look, and decided that he did not like my presence! He gave one nasty bellow, and charged!
I moved like the wind over the field, making for the safety of the cold loch, and was inspired to even more speed when I peeped around, and saw that the whole herd was now giving chase!
Getting to the loch cost me a lot of skin on my legs, as I was wearing shorts, and the water was icy, but I waded in as far as possible, keeping a weary eye at my pursuers! This lot now stood at the edge of the water, and looked at me with what I first thought was hatred, but then I saw a cow with the biggest udder on earth watching me with soft brown eyes while chewing her grass. Soft eyes or not, I was not planning on leaving the safety of the water while this lot were watching me, and wondered how long it would take to freeze to death in the cold water.

It was one dreary looking female who got up the next morning, and it took a lot of willpower to actually get upright. I had to be in the kitchen for seven to do my prep, but at six I had the dicy job of switching on the geysers, as tony put it off at night to save a bit of money.
To do this was really hazardous, and feeling like I did this morning made it quite dangerous as well. The switches was in the room above the kitchen, so I had to slump up a very steep staircase, and getting to the top, usually quite breathless, I had to take a very deep breathe, as now the dangerous rafters awaited! There was no floor in this room, and the few rafters left was spaced about half a meter apart, and the switches resided on the opposite wall. So one actually needed the balance of a circus acrobat, and the nerves of a lion tamer to attempt this job! I was frantic, as a rule, but this morning, with the poor old head aching like the blazes, and the poor old eyes almost sightless they were so swollen, I took one humongous breathe, and like a bally tightrope walker I sprinted from one rafter to the other, and could not believe that I had actually made it safely to the switches!
 Then it was the return jumps, and I took another gasp, my chest now feeling real tight, and just went for it! Tony promised every time I moaned that he would have a decent walkway put up there, but as he is running around like a beheaded chicken himself, I think my moans went in at the one ear, and out at the other, as no attempt had so far been made.
The bar was in chaos! I had to make the coffee in there, as we use the big coffee machine, but every available space was filled with dirty glasses, and it smelled like one very dirty shabeen, that means an illegal drinking spot in our townships back home. I opened every window, and the front door to get rid of the stale smells, and hoped by the time the guests came down the place would be fresher!
I did see a few noses quiver in disgust as the people started coming down, and I noticed that they all looked like I did, with red eyes and pursed lips, although my lips were stretched in a kind of what I meant to be a smile! They were all very upset at the noise through the night, and I tried to explain that it didn't happen every night, but that we had a beach party! They were not at all interested in my explanations, just ate their food in silince, gazing at nothing in particular!
I was relieved to say the least when I had seen the last one off, then went into a panic as Toni came down, looking terrible, his hair uncombed, his beard long, and his clothes looking as though he had slept in it, which he probably did! I told him that I would see to any one coming in if he wanted to take a shower first, but he explained that the truck would be coming any minute to fetch the sand.
What a bally racket! Only Frazer and Willie came to help, themselves not looking quite alive, and between the lot of them they cleared all the sand from the pub lounge!
I found this card in a shop in Callander, and having experienced the bally midges for myself, I think this is probably not far from the truth!!!

I had no time to rest, as there was such a lot of prep to do, but I managed to sit down for half an hour while having my lunch. By six however I was pooped, and wondered how I was going to manage untill the kitchen closed, and if the work was not enough, Sam was quite cross when he came back at six, as he desperately wanted to share in the fun.
Tony had gotten two young girls in hula skirts to help me, but they were so bent on showing off that I saw very little of them, and had to send Sam continiously to find them. Of course this was just the dandy with Sam, as he got lost on the 'beach' every time, and then I had to leave all and go looking for both Sam and the girls. The only light in this madhouse of a kitchen was young Gary, who was called by his mother after I promised him double pay to work for two hours. Actually it was not allowed, as he had already done a shift during the morning, and the kids were allowed to work only four hours per day.
This kid was a marvel, and quite the opposite of his twin sister, to my thinking the laziest girl on two legs. Laura, the twin was about twice as tall as Gary, big boned like her mother, and quite coarse, while Gary was smallboned, and very well spoken, and could work like a horse! I always marvelled when I watched him wash the huge pots that were so large that he was quite dwarfed by them, but he was always happy and eager to please. The only drawback of course was that he was so small, and couldn't always reach things that I needed him to fetch, and when it was very busy I had to run and fetch it myself, which took up valuable time!
The beach party was a huge success, and became quite raucus as time went by, and it wasn't long before everything in the kitchen was also covered in sand. The plates and other stuff coming back from the party was covered in sand, and the poor dishwasher was making strange screeching noises, presumably from sand in its workings! It wasn't long before two plates of food from the restaurant, which was also open for bussiness, were sent back with complaints that there was sand in the food. How it happened I did not know, but, as the same waitresses doing the party was also serving the restaurant, I had a suspicion that they were shedding sand all over the plates when taking it in. I sent Sam to call Tony when a second lot came back, and asked him to let one of the girls get herself sand-free, and then only serve the restaurant, and after a bit of niggling, he gave in, and from then on trhere was no more sandy food coming back.
I finished just after twelve, and as the party was still swinging, I joined in the fun for a short while, but could just as well have stayed up all night, as the pub lounge was just underneath my room, and the music and laughter was so loud that my bed was hopping around on the floor! Well, almost! The noises lasted well into the early hours of the morning, and when the clock struck six, I had not slept at all, but had to get up to do breakfast! And to make it worse, I had to look happy and gay!!

As if I did not have enough to do, Tony and Theresa had decided to spruce up life in the village, and our hotel was going to have a beach party! A beach party? I was wondering how they wanted to accomplish such a thing in the hotel, but was soon enlightened about the extent to which they would go to make this a success!
I must say this of Tony, he wasn't up to snuff about running a hotel, and the rules regarding his contact and dealings with the guests, but he was full of ideas, all of them not always the most practical, but at least he tried!
So, on the Friday morning, with my lip already hanging to the floor, and my voice hoarse from trying to get the young Sam to get on with his job, I watched with wonder a big lorry, loaded to full capacity with sand, pulled into the parking lot! This was the sign for Sam to take off his pinny, in order to go and find out what was in the wind, him not knowing about the proposed party!
I tried in vain to call him back, but he kept himself quite deaf, and I was going into a bally fit of hysteria, as I was instructed to make a lot of beachy dishes, or rather, dishes usually served at seaside cafe's. That made for a lot of extra work, as the reastaurant was still to operate, and as week-ends a lot of people came out to dine more formally, I just could not neglect that part of my prep!
Within minutes it seemed that the whole town had come to inspect what was going on, as the lorry had now parked in front of the pub door, and dumped the whole heap of sand on the doorsteps! Tony, Theresa, Willie Dowel, and the be-painted, or rather be-tattoo-ed Frazer, looking like a colourful reptile without his shirt, frantically carrying buckets full of sand into the pub lounge! Bally madness! But soon there were quite a few helpers, who after their amazement had subsided, helped to cover the pub lounge's floor in a thick layer of sand!
I must say, when I later went to have a look, I was quite pleasantly surprised, as the lounge was transformed into a very credible beach, with umbrellas everywhere, and a few loungers, and colourful towels, and so forth!

I told Tony that it was no good, the young Sam only coming back at six, as I was in need of help with the prepping for dinner. I couldn't see why he could not come an hour earlier, and then leave an hour earlier, but Tony said that this was decided with his parents, as they did not want him to finish too late! I thought that it was one of the government's decisions, and that I had to abide but that, but in fact, they had to work only a certain amount of hours, but it wasn't specified when this had to be worked.
Dinner was a nightmare, and within an hour I was so fed up with the youngster that I could stick him in the frying pan and fry him till he got some life into his body. As he was so slow on the potatoes earlier, we did not have enough chips, with the result that I had spent precious time peeling potatoes when I had so much to do, so I instructed him to stop looking out of the door and cut the chips! I was given one nasty look from half closed eyes, but he started on the chips, doing it as slowly as he possibly could! Within an hour I was so tired of keeping Sam on the go, that I was ready to run away!
He was no better than the kids I had over week-ends, and I was forever asking for plates, and utensils, and pans, all this stacked up miles high on every available space! I saw him looking out of the door continiously, and giving hand signs and pulling faces, and decided to take a minute to see what was going on outside. Sure enough, behind the rows of cars a couple of heads peeped out, and they were also doing the handsign thing, and I realized that they were waiting for Sam to finish!
Of course. ten o'clock sharp, Sam took off his pinny, and I saw with amazement how the half dead youngster came back to life, and he bid me a good evening for the rest of my shift, then legged it out of the door and on to where his mates were waiting! They laughed and made one heck of a racket, before shouting: nighty-night Christine', and blew kisses at me when they saw me looking out of the window, before they assembled in a group, and set off to who knows what devilment!
Sam had done very little, and the piles of stuff to be cleaned and washed was enough to knock every bit of energy I still had out of me! This was not working, as my nerves were at breaking point with the continious begging for clean stuff, and Sam was not at all trying to be helpful by establishing where everything lived, so that I could send him around fetching stuff for me. And the hours he worked was just not suitable. as over week-ends we were busy till late, with me sometimes cleaning the kitchen at around twelve.

When I came back from my days off, I was informed by Tony that I was getting a young guy called Sam as an apprentice, and that he was starting work at ten that morning. I was so excited about this, and asked Tony why the lad couldn't start at seven with me, or at eight, and help with the breakfast!
The workings of this new plan by the government was then explained to me in fine detail! Youngsters who had no jobs would be employed by a hotel, or garage, or shop, where they were to be taught the ropes, and the government would pay the youngsters, and not the employer! And, he explained, they were only to start at ten, work until one, and then start again at six for the dinner shift. That was a brilliant idea, and I was really thrilled, until at about ten minutes passed his due time, my apprentice kind of ambled in, and I saw with a sinking heart that my guy was non else than young Sam, grandson of the owners of the Immervioulin caravan park, and son of Janet, a lively single mother!
My heart was sinking, because just a few days previously, Janet had told us that they just could not handle young Sam, as he was supposed to help in the park, but kept on disappearing, and only coming back when all the ablution blocks were cleaned by Emma, the younger sister of Janet, and the most hardworking girl I have ever met, and all the other jobs allocated to him was finished!
I tried to hide my feelings, and told him gently that what I wanted him to do first, was peeling the potatoes, and cut the chips, sighing with relieve that I would not have to do that on top of all the other chores! He rolled an incredulous eye at me, tried to outstare me, looked with utter disgust at the two big pockets of potatoes, the stuck out a thin finger, and asked with a voice like ice; 'You want me to peel all that?' I knew that if I did not get on top of this now, I will have a lot of trouble in the near future, so I gave him a stern eye, and said that yes, indeed he had to, or would he like to do the baking? I had to do some scones urgently, as they had run out while I was away, and also the lasagnes and steak pies were finished, and at this Sam capitulated, and after moaning and groaning for about ten minutes, after I told him to get on with it, he started the peeling!
All the excitement I felt when I heard about my apprentice had now evaporated, leaving me with a heart as heavy as a huge piece of lead, and I felt really sorry for myself! Tony was of no help, as he was great pals with David, Sam's granddad, and would not for anything on earth do anything to upset him, the family being our greatest supporter of take-aways! It took ages for the youngster to peel the potatoes, and after I had done the cooking and baking, he had done only three quarters of the first one. As it was now after twelve, with the lunch session almost upon us, I had to start cutting the chips, as I would need it for lunch!
he kind of kept going until one, when he downed the peeler, and disappeared like a bally daylight ghost! He was of very little help, and I had spent again a lot of time talking and trying to cajole him into working faster! I wanted to cry!!!

People were still laughing the next evening, and I had to also laugh, as it must have been quite a strange sight, me sitting about two feet higher than the driver, but as I had to bend down to hold onto his shoulder, my face was just about in his neck!
I was mystified about Lizzie's car running out of oil, and when I asked her the next day about it, she was very surprised that I thought the oil had to be checked regularly, and topped up if necessary! She thought that oil was only checked and filled up when the car went for its service! When I thought back how my hubby had drilled into me the different aspects of looking after a car, I had to smile, as he sometimes got so upset with me if I couldn't understand how everything worked, that he drew it all out for me, and I still had the drawings he made! But at least I had a good teacher. And in South Africa we have petrol guys filling up your car, and they always check the water and oil too, and topping up if needs must be. As Liz only learned to drive in her later years, I suppose using a driving school, nobody had ever taught her anything about the workings of an enjin.
The next morning I went off on my own, first to my loch, loch Voile, where I made myself a hearty breakfast on a throw-away grill, and then watched the sun playing on the water, sipping my coffee.
I was always intrigued by the strange phenomena of the effect the sun had on the water of the lochs. Before sunrise the lochs would be like mirrors, not a ripple, unless a fish jumped up, and started a ripple. But the moment the sun came up, it was like a magic wand being waved, and the whole water mass came alive , and the mirror like image became a living, moving being!
Then I packed up, and drove to loch Tay, where I was anxious about my wee wild ducks. The first year I came, I stopped at this picnic spot for a coffee, and there was this duck hen that came asking for a titbit, and then became my best friend, quacking mournfully as she waddled after me on her short legs, until I got in my car and drove off. The following year she had a man at her side, and the two of them looked so happy, just eating the crumbs I threw them before waddling off to the loch. Obviously she was not lonely enough anymore to follow a human around.
Then the next time I went there, she still had her man at her side, but now a third party, a big male, had come into the picture, and he was nudging closer and closer, and chased off by my duck's mate, but in the end a huge fight broke out, and the smaller one, which have been with the hen now since the previous year was chased off!

It took us hours to walk back, and most of the afternoon was gone before we got back to the car with the oil. Knowing absolutely nothing about how far the oil tank should be filled up, we really went for it, and filled it until it spilled over. Very proud of ourselves we got back into the car, and it started after a while, and off we went, but luck would not play along, and we did not even get around the circle, when black smoke started billowing out at the back again! Liz put on the brakes with gusto, and we screeched to a halt, both of us quite jittery by now, as the cars behind us did not think it funny the way Lizzy came to a dead halt in front of them, and they let us know how they felt by hooting, and giving some strange finger signs!
I told Liz that I would try and push the car off the road, and of course my muscles were not strong enough, and I was desperately working away, getting only ugly looks and some more hooting, but there are still some gentlemen on earth, as again a young guy stopped and gave me a hand. Strange that the older oompies(old men), never stop to give a person that is obviously in distress a hand, and they are also the ones that let rip with the hooters! never try and tell me that the youth is bad!
Lizzy then decided to phone her son who lived in Glasgow and ask for help, as we just did not know what to do. He told her to stay put, and that he would come as soon as possible, and would then decide what to do.
The sun had long gone to sleep when at last he arrived. Alan, as her son is called, is like his mother a wonderful dresser, with suit and tie of the best cloth, and black leather shoes that could be used for a mirror! He had a look at the engin, and looked worried, then decided to phone an emergency truck to come and get the car. As he was on his way to some or other seminar, he could not take us back to Strathyre, so he waited until the towing truck came, and asked the guy to take us back home before taking the car to the garage.
Why I am always the one to pull the shortest stick I could thus far not work out, but true to bad luck a la Christine, the guy looked us over and decided that as there was only one passenger seat, I could sit on the box in the middle. What was hidden below this box I did not know, but the thing was about two feet higher that the seats, and my head kept bumping on the roof, and this roof was bally hard, and I felt like a silly bird sitting on a perch, and to top it all, I had nowhere to cling to, and kept sliding off! And one thing this tow truck driver did was driving like he had ten bally devils behind him. When we got to the tight bends between Callender and Strathyre, and after I had landed on his lap about ten times, and almost flattened poor Liz, he told me to clutch at his shoulder to keep me on my perch, so I rolled the old eyes a bit, and clutched! I did and felt a lot  more comfy, as I could at least keep to my seat!
The Inn was busy, with people sitting outside, and all the drinkers sitting outside had a good look at us driving into the town, and the next day a few saucy remarks were made about me clutching the poor driver!

I finished the night without the flattop, but the next morning I told Tony that I will not work another night without it. I was a bally nervous wreck the previous night, and said that if it wasn't back, I would refuse to work, and look for another job! As chefs were very scarce, not a lot of them interested in working at a small hotel, Tony went into a kind of nervous jibbering, and he jumped on the phone, andI heard him speak to Theresa, telling her to bring the flattop back as it immediately! I should have known that she would have taken it, as I knew that she had got Tony so far as to give her one of the toasters! Without that it was also difficult if we had a full house, but I could still manage, although I have squealed like a bally old hag about it, all in vain!
At about ten Theresa's husband stopped in front of the kitchen door, and I sighed a big sigh of relieve when I saw the flattop being taken out! The rest of the Sunday was fine, as I had Gary, and the two lazy girls, whom I now ignored, and with me able to use the flattop again, I managed without a hitch!
I was off the next day, and Liz asked me to go to Stirling with her,. We made a date for ten, but when I got there at the appointed time, she was still in the early stages of her morning ritual. I have described it before, but will do so again! Once she is able to get out of bed, she make herself a coffee, lite a ciggy, then sat slumped at the kitchen table, sucking at the cigarette with nervous and long pulls, drinking her coffee with huge gulps, hands shaking like she has some kind of shaky sickness. Then she would make another coffee, have another cigarette, and then she was ready for a shower. Now all this smoking and shivering takes about two hours, after which she would feel alive enough for a shower. She is almost as bad as my son in law when it came to showers, and hers lasted for about half an hour! Then it was time for another coffee and a cigarette, by which time she would be coughing like somebody with a lung ailment. Then she got dressed, and after yet another coffee and cigarette, she would dry her hair, and put on her jewelry, which she loved!
Anyhow we were seated and ready to roll at twelve thirty, me fuming at the wasting of my precious day off, she all smiles and bonhomie, all at one with the world, as she used to say!
We were just rounding the second circle before entering Stirling, when all of a sudden her car gave a few kind of jolly jumps, and the next moment a thick black smoke poured out somewhere in the back, and then the enjin just died! And there we sat, blocking the traffic, so I got out to see what was wrong, and maybe get somebody to help push the car off the busy road.
A young couple did stop, and they helped me to move the car, and the guy then asked about what happened, and with this information given to him, he opened the bonnet, poked around a bit, then told us that there was no oil in the oiltank! He looked some more, then said that Liz could be very thankful, as the block or something like that, did not crack!
So on his advice, and the car now off the road, he undertook to take us to the nearest garage for oil, but as they had an appointment, he couldn't bring us back! He drove for bally miles before we came to a garage, but we bought the oil, and started back!

Having the children to help was  of no use to me, as at nine sharp, the two girls took off their pinnies, and giving me a good show of them being two wee angels by smiling like two wee angels, they hastily left the kitchen! Young Gary was still at the sink scrubbing away, and on my telling him that it was time to leave, he said yes, he knew, but will finish the pans for me. What a sweety! When he finished I made him a nice helping of chips and cheese to take home!
The orders still streamed in, and without Gary to scrub the frying pans, and a lot of steaks, gammon steaks, burgers and chops being ordered, I lost my temper completely, took off my pinny, and stalked into the pub, where it was absolutely buzzing, and told Tony that if that flattop is not back in the kitchen in five minutes, he could do the meals himself!I was so furious that the tears rolled down my cheeks, and people tried to calm me down, by offering to buy me drinks, but I was in no state to calm down, as my poor nerves were in a bad state!
One of the local women, Fiona, asked me what was wrong, and on telling her that I am alone in the kitchen, with loads of of orders, and not having even somebody to do the dishes, or scrub the pans, she was horrified, and came back with me to the kitchen, where she stayed for the rest of the night, scrubbing, filling the dishwasher, and doing salads for me! Bless her!
I was absolutely drained when at last all the meals were done, and the kitchen cleaned, and fell into my bed without showering, and lay for ages worrying about getting up at six again, with my body so tired and my legs cramping from the long hours.
I made up my mind that if the flattop wasn't back the next day, I would leave. If I couldn't find another job, I would go to the islands for a week or two, then go home.
When Tony came in, halfway through breakfast, I was cold and untalkative, so after ordering himself a breakfast, he disappeared quickly back to the bar. I was not giving up on my demand that the flattop came back, or I was leaving, and I could see that he was a worried man, cooks not readily available in the rural villages. I started wondering about what he could have done with the flattop!
When I took his breakfast to the bar, I asked in a chilly voice what he intended to do, and he told me that Theresa had taken the flattop away, and that she was very vague about its where-abouts, but would see if she can find it, and bring it back! What utter nonsense, and when Theresa came in, I demanded to know where the thing was, and she went all red, and told me that it was none of my bussiness, as Tony had given it to her.
I was slowly getting behind the working of this lady's brain, as so far a lot of things have disappeared, and on asking about it, it was always the same answer, that he had given it to Theresa! So I believe that she convinced Tony that stuff wasn't needed, and then she took it.

It was one of my most stressful mornings ever in a kitchen, and by lunchtime I was more tired out from trying to get the two girls to actually do something than from the work itself. As in Scotland children older that twelve are allowed to help out, they are not to use knifes, or work for longer than three hours, I still had a lot of prep to do.

As this things work, I was not prepared for big groups yet, a lot of time lost on talking to the girls, and of course Ewan with his small bus would turn up, and my tummy just did a few summersaults. The fact that the kids were not to use knifes meant that they also could not do the salads for me, and as Ewan had  thirteen people that day, plus himself, I hyperventilated! Badly! I just could not see myself doing them, plus all the other orders coming in. But Ewan is one swell guy, and when he saw my distress, he rolled up his sleeves, and did the salads for me, which was an enormous help!

And of course all the cars en route to the Oban ferry had to stop, and poor me was like one scowling old zombie, doing everything automatically, sweat running down my face, and my heart jumping around somewhere in my throat! When inbetween this Tony came in with an order for six scones, which meant that I would have to beat some more cream, which took for ages, I just exploded, and told him to do it himself, or get Theresa down! When I earlier asked the girls to do some cream, first the one, then the other had to go to the toilet urgently, and me having been so stressed out, never had time to do it up to this point!

I never got to my room for a rest until four, and as it was Saturday, I had to be back at five to do the prep for the evening. For that whole hour I just lay on my bed, thinking of my tranquil homestead back home, wondering about my own sanity in coming back year after year for more of this kind of punishment! But I so love Scotland, the glens, the lochs, and the beautiful mountains with the streams of icy water running down them, that I knew I would come back for as long as I could!

I went back to a chaotic kitchen, as a few more cars stopped for some refreshment, and as Tommy only came during my days off, Tony or Theresa had to do the kitchen while I had a rest. As between three and five it was usually quiet, the public getting ready for the evening onslaught, they could easily do the few scones or toasties that was the usual thing for that time.

 But the kitchen was in disorder, and I could see that I would have to do a lot more chips, Tony informing me that the public had gone mad, and everybody who came in ordered chips and cheese! Also the grated cheese container stood empty, and I use it a lot for lasanges and stuff, so over and above my usual prep, I had to replenish a lot of stuff.

My young helpers arrived at six, by seven I was still doing almost everything myself. The two girls were not there to work, and they showed some antagonism towards me when I showed them for the third time how to do the dishes, the pans, and keep my workspace clean. Both kind of stared at me with cold fishy eyes, and excused themselves to go to the toilet,. And that is how the night went. Every fifteen minutes first the one, then the other would tell me they needed the toilet, and the stayed away for up to twenty minutes.
The wee boy Gary, half the size of his twinsister Laura, was of different making, and he got stuck in and worked. He listened to what I told him, and it was a incredible how this tiny youngster scrubbed away at the huge pots and pans, and I was amazed to see how deftly he scraped the plates, rinse of the excess food, and loaded the dishwasher!
The only fly in the ointment was that he was so short that he couldn't reach high enough to be able to fetch me stuff from the high racks, or the top racks of the fridges.
When the girls came back after their twenty minute pee, I scowled at them, and  Francis then made a show of doing some work by taking a plate, open the tap a tiny bit, then held the plate underneath the small stream, leaning casually on the zink,  her eyes on the clock above the pantry door! Laura was not doing anything, and gary was doing salads for me. By this time I had no pans, and as the flaptop was not there anymore, I had to do all the steaks and stuff in the pans!
So I told Laura to clean the pans, and she nearly collapsed from shock, and said that Tony never told them that they had to scrub pans, and out she went, supposedly to tell Tony how horrible I was.
After a while Tony came back, his arm around Laura's middle, and I could see that she was putting on a show of utter misery, that for Tony's benefit,, and my neckhair attempted to all stand up straight! He then told me that they were brought in to do the dishes, and my running, fetching stuff for me, but scrubbing pans was not their job!
I exploded, and told him that in that case, he had better do it himself, as I was already behind with my orders, or I am quitting! So rather than upset the two girls further, he did the pans himself!
That was the start of many fights, as trying to get the girls to help took up more time than if I just did my own washing and scrubbing and fetching. As they were only allowed to work three hours because of their age, I still had to clear up and clean the kitchen on my own, but the blessed peace after they left was pure bliss!
I asked Tony for some help on Saturday mornings, because most dishes ran out on Friday nights, and I really struggled to get everything done before lunchtime, and I suggested young Gary, as he was a little trooper! But low and behold, eleven the next morning, with Gary already busy peeling potatoes, in sauntered Laura and Francis, who bolted straight to Tony when I told them that between them they had to wash all the pots I have used.
So in came Tony, strutting between the two young horrors, and I knew that his sympathy was not with me. So when he started asking me if it was really necessary for them to scrub the pots and pans, I flipped, and told him that I did not ask for them, only for Gary. He was in a flutter then, as I could see that this two girlies had him right where they wanted him, and told them that he would find them something else to do for the morning, and the three then left, giggling outrageously! I sighed, and made myself a cuppa, and gave Gary a coke!

I went back to work after my two days off, feeling on top of the world (well, almost). after speeding away from the black clad people, I had taken another small road from Comry that led up to the hill where my wild strawberry patch were, where I found a nice spot under a clump of trees to just lie and read, and contemplating life with all it's strange people. The unfriendly black robed lot was bugging me, as I was sure they were devil worshippers, and the fact that they came to one of my regular spots was to say the least, a bitty unsettling.
Anyhow, as always I was quite refreshed by my green trees, but while prepping for breakfast, I had this strange feeling that something was wrong. As I had only a limited time to get everything done, and then a busy time taking orders, making coffees and teas, and cooking breakfasts, it wasn't till after the last guests were served, and I made myself a cuppa, that I started looking around the kitchen, to see what was bothering me.
To my utter amazement, the flat top, a thick iron plate, warmed by a small gas flame, on which I cooked the steaks, chops, gammon steaks, and some fish sorts, were gone! I started hyperventilating, as without that thing, I was lost on the busy week-end nights. So I sat down outside, my head in a spin, wondering if it had maybe broke down, and was sent in for reparation. I calmed down then, hoping that that was the answer, and went back to start the days prep.
When Tony came in I asked him where the flat-top was. He just stared at me with a kind of challenging look, and told me that between him, Theresa and Tommy, the guy who came in to cook when I was off, they had decided that it was an unneccessary gadget that sucked up a lot of gas!
I just goggled at him, and then a fury so terrible welled up inside me that I wanted to clobber the little man, or squash him like an insect, and I told him that from now on his bally housekeeper can do week-ends, as she was such an expert in the running of a kitchen. I was furious, and stayed furious for the rest of the day, and when Theresa ambled in asking me to make her something for lunch, I exploded, and told her to do it herself.
I came down from my rest in a foul mood, as I knew how difficult the night would be, even though it was a weekday, which usually wasn't busy. And as during the week it was mostly locals, who came in for a hearty meal. usually steak and ale pies, or chicken and leek, or curry, I could use the pans for the occasional steak, or chops, but the worry of what I would do that week-end made me all shivery.
On Friday night, just before six, Tony came strolling in with two young girls flanking him, his scrawny pelvis pushed forward at an amazing angle, like always when he talked to a personable youngish woman or a girl. Following this trio was a small boy, no taller than my worktable.
The boy and one of the girls, an amazon who were almost as tall as me, were twins, and the children of Caren, who helped out some days, and the other girl was Francis, the daughter of my previous employer, and they were all about thirteen years old, two very lusty young teenagers!
Oh my good heavens, within half an hour of that lot started, I was so fed-up with the two girls that I wanted to throttle them. The wee boy, Gary, was however a little worker, and he got stuck in, and learned quickly how to master the dish washer, but the girls were there for anything but to work!

After the frenzy of the kitchen, I was glad when my day-off arrived, and it wasn't seven yet when my little car was packed, and I set of for somewhere where it would be cool, and calm, as my nervous system was maar a bitty frail! Tony would just have to get more staff in, as I just could not keep on at the pace I was going now!
I had decided to go to The Devil's Cauldron, just outside of Comry for the day. My favourite space around there was at the river, where a huge tree had fallen across it, and this tree was bent in such a way as to make for a comfy place to lie and read. The curves just fitted the curve of my body, and I had many a time fell asleep there. Quite dangerous, as I had to wade through the water to get to the tree, and although the water was not too deep, with lots of rocks, I think a person in a deep sleep falling into the water, could easily be drowned. So I always tried to stay awake!
I had already fell into the water once when I spotted two foxes skulking in the bushes. I thought, when I first spotted them coming in and out of the bushes, that it was two dogs, and wondered how they came to be there. When to my delight I saw that it was foxes, I was so intently watching them, trying to keep them from disappearing from my sight, that I leaned over too much, and fell straight into the river!  Nearly bally drowned, as my clothes were heavy, pulling me under the swirling water!
I read for a while, then made myself a breakfast on a throw-away barbeque thingy. It was lovely, as I had bacon, sausage, banana, which I also fried, toast, and tomatoes! And of course coffee!
I heard a car stop high up where the parking spaces are, and did feel a tinge of unrest, as there were a number of picnic spots, and I knew that some of the picnic making people became quite rowdy, liquor and beer of course playing a big role with the Scots!
So I sat waiting for them to come down, and when I spotted the first ones, a cold thread of unease ran down my spine. They were all dressed in loose black kind of overcoats, and the ones coming in my view after them, were all dressed in black. Not a sign of any other colour. I kept very quiet, and was relieved when they took the small path that led up to the Devil's cauldron!
The Devil's Cauldron is a whirlpool that swirls and gurgles viciously as the water from the waterfall high above it fell down with force. It is amazing to watch, but it had always scared me, and after the first time, I never went there again.
This black dressed people all carried black boxes, and that also seemed evil, so I just waited for them to be far enough away before packing up, scrambling havey cavey to the top where my car was.
I had a huge shock! Standing watching my car was two more black dressed figures, and as my head appeared from below, they turned and watched me with cold eyes, their faces without expression. I kind of squeaked a greeting, but they ignored me, so I just dumped my stuff into the car, and left with speed!

A working kitchen at peak hour is a busy kitchen, and as I was the only person cooking, I was spinning around, fetching stuff, turning frying meats, heating up and getting ready frozen stuff like lasagne, macaroni and cheese, steak pies, and many more, cooking veggies, grilling trout, frying chips, and fish, and another hundred and one things. As our menu was so big, it was really a struggle when say, a table of twelve come in. Then I really had to keep my wits intact, as of course, everybody would order a different meal, and of course, all the meals had to go out together, and warm!
So by the middle of the evening I would be sweaty, and my hair under my hat would be wet and oily from the steam coming from all the different cooking utensils! And if then, in the middle of ten or more orders, the chips would sometimes run out, and all my screaming for help would go unnoticed by the harassed waitresses, I had to drop all, and peel potatoes, only enough for the meal I was busy with. I usually have enough chips cut, but when Ewan with his bus full of young tourists had been in for lunch, usually just before I went off for my rest, I knew I was in trouble. But as I was already in the kitchen at seven every morning to do breakfast, I could not go through until the kitchen closed at night!
My day started off at six, by me running up to the loft of an annexe adjoining the kitchen to switch on the water, as Tony switch it off before going to bed. Doing this was one hazardous job, specially early in the morning, when your body still aches from exhaustion after the previous night, and your eyelids were still too heavy to open completely. The loft had no floor, and the rafters were about half a meter apart, and to get to the switches that was on the opposite wall, you had to kind of jump from rafter to rafter, and hope it didn't break, as they did look a wee bitty rotten! But my worst fear was that I would miss my footing, or loose my balance, and fall down the two flights and into the laundry. I tried not to look down, but I bally well knew that there was nothing to stem my downwards fall if I did miss my footing!
Then I would have a shower before dressing and and going down to do the prep for breakfast. By the time the first guests came down, I was usually wide awake, and ready for some chatting when taking their orders. I loved doing breakfast, as I met the most amazing people from all over the world!

I had met a nice gentleman on my first day off of the week, so I was in quite a happy space, as he was going to take me around the next day. Everybody was eyeballing me when I brought the man, called Colin, into the pub for a drink, and I got the idea that he was not too welcome. He was a bitty loth to come and meet me there, but I overrode his objections, and in the end he did come, but I could see that he was just a wee bit uncomfortable.
Anyway, we sat in the conservatory, talking and laughing, and decided that he would come and pick me up at ten the next morning. Tony was again quite rude, and I decided to get Colin to tell me what was going on. At first he rallied round, but I wanted to know if there was a secret, so I asked him to either tell me, or take me home. Apparently he had come into the bar for a meal one Saturday before I came, and as he is quite a nice looking man, Caren, who had way too much to drink, had been coming on to him, and Caren's husband, who was also by now nicely sloshed, took exception to her being all over this man, and called for him to come out to the back, for he wanted to give him a few of the best! And, Colin said, all he wanted to do was to eat his meal in peace, and go home.
So everybody, them being friends, got all mad at this poor man, and all he could do was leave his food, and under heavy verbal attack, took to his heels! I did not know him well enough to know whether he was telling the truth, and that he was as innocent as he pleaded, but he was good company, and took me all over the place, showing me things and places that I had not so far found by myself, but when he wanted me to go to his home for the night, I heard a faint alarm bell ringing, and politely declined! It was a good sign to me that he was not upset, but took me home, and waved me a friendly goodbye. I never thought to see him again, but was not unduly upset by the thought!
I was enjoying my work, as Tony was not looking over my shoulder the whole time, but Harry, the boy, stressed me out a bit. I found him taking huge pieces of cake, and big humps of icecream, and as that was happening a lot of times during the day, I knew that by the time the week-end came, we would be out of icecream, and that I would have to bake extra cakes and I was already so busy. Tony just shrugged his shoulders, maybe not seeing the seriousness of this!
He then started whining again about baking some biscuits, and to get him off my back, I stayed on after my shift ended, and we made a lot of biscuits, and I hoped that that would keep his sweet tooth happy, and that he would stay out of the kitchen. As we are not that close to a town, it is bad if we run out of stuff!
Colin phoned on the Sunday night, as I was off the next day, but I did not want to get involved with someone that I was not quite sure about, so I told him that I have made other plans, which I had, as I was going for a swim in Christina's pool, taking Lizzy with! Much safer!

Trembling like a bally blamange, and clenched fists, the one around a huge knife, I told Theresa to get the hell out from behind my workspace. It was so busy that I found it impossible to get the meals out in good time, and as if the meals were not enough to worry about, everybody wanted puds as well, and I went and told Tony that he must have a good look and me, and see that I am not a bally squid or other animal with eight arms! The poor guy was stressed out of his mind in the bar, but darn it, if people couldn't eat, they would also not drink, and would soon go to another hotel.
So Theresa was told to help me in between, getting things from the fridges, and doing the salads and the puds, and that I would ring the bell twice when I was in need of help. But she obviously thought it her chance to show me just how good she was in the kitchen, and instead of doing what I asked of her, she kept on coming behind my worktop, and interfering with the food, turning steaks when it wasn't ready to be turned, putting chips in the fryer before I wanted it in, and generally getting self into a state of aggravation! The big thing with doing meals is that when I do an order, I arrange everything in my head first, then do it in that order, and if someone then interfered, I lost track, and then it was night!
After telling Theresa to get two gammon steaks from the fridge, I told her to get the salads ready, and do the orders for the puds. It was a table of ten, and in my brain everything was nicely worked out, when to put the chips in the fryer, when to put the steaks on, as some were rare, and other medium rare, with the gammon steaks going on last, as it dries out quickly if on for too long. As we had a large menu, with also lasanges, and chicken, and chicken and leek pies, and curries, and so forth and so forth, it was not always easy to stay on track!
I had everything under control, and was busy with the veggies for the steak pies, and when I turned around, Theresa had put the gammon steaks on!
That is when the last thread of self control just went out of the door, and I bellowed at the woman to get out, or be forever sorry. As I was busy with a sharp knife when I saw what she had done, and was wildly shaking this around, she left in great haste, and I was completely lost, my concentration now at nil!
Tony came in with Barry, Caren's husband, and a big eyed Caren and a smirking Theresa in tow.Tony tried to get my attention, but I was not at the moment available for a squabble, as I was trying to get my concentration on the ready again, so seeing that I was just ignoring them, they went out very silently, maybe scared that I would really throw the knife at them!
The problem here was that none of the others had any experience in a kitchen, so they just do not get it that doing meals are really stressful.